Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
