We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
