so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
