He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
