You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
