just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
