i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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