In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
