Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
