I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
