So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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