she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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