If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
