Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
