i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
