Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
