sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
