how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
