were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
