if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
