In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Randomize
