after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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