I'm going to rape someone's good day.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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