I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
