Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
