Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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