he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
