So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
