well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could fuck to npr.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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