she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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