Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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