I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
