the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
