My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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