i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
