Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
