You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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