are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
