Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
