Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
