Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's get the cat blown out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
