I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
