When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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