well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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