Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
