Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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