She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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