no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
