We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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