Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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