So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
