the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
