Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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