If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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