1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
