yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
